Things Take Time

Something that I think about often is how my Santander experience compares to my time in Madrid. They’re both in Spain and therefore have an overall shared culture. However, I know I shouldn’t collate the two since they’ve brought me different people and lessons that I needed at each respective time. Despite being in the same country, the two cities are unique in their rights and to judge one based on the other would belittle the beauty of both. The same could be said about my distinctive time in each. 

But again, I sometimes can’t help it. In both situations, I’ve spent diligent time finding my place within a new city, learning and traveling as much as possible, and of course, attempting to improve my Spanish. Being in Santander, I’ve struggled and thrived in similar ways as I did a year and a half ago in Spain’s capital. But I wonder, does that say more about me than about the atmosphere I’m in? Meaning, that while I’ve grown since my “Madrid era,” perhaps there remain certain life lessons that have simply become more apparent during these two points in my life. 

As my time in Northern Spain is reaching close to four months, the space to compare my two Spanish lives dwindles. I was only in Madrid for three months, and let me tell you, that timeline seems like nothing now. I remember thinking three months was too long to be away from my family - too long to be on my own and in a new place. I recall being almost stunted by that fear I’ve mentioned before. Boarding the plane to Madrid, I told myself that I no longer wanted to go. What a mistake that would have been. Fast forward through that period, and my perspective changed completely. While returning home, I knew that three months was simply not enough time.

Mentally, I was ready and excited for a break with my family. But realistically, my semester in Madrid was not long enough to establish the roots I learned to do with each childhood move. I had made friends and seen all the attractions, but I hadn’t been there long enough to fully know how to live there. It was at the end of my time in Madrid that I felt like I was creating a routine and carving my life into the city. And of course, that’s when I had to return home. 

Me with horses while hiking this weekend!

Even with this in mind coming to Santander, I still expected my integration to be seamless and quick. It might have been naivety, but I’m going to call it hopefulness. To no surprise, however, three months in Santander proved to be difficult in ways similar to and different than in Madrid. I don’t speak Spanish fluently, and while I’m trying to reach that level, my abilities can make it hard to have a smooth conversation. This was a slight challenge in Madrid, but an even bigger one in Santander, a city not nearly as touristy nor filled with English speakers. On top of that, I had a wonderful host mom, Sira, in Madrid, who was more than willing to practice Spanish with me. So, at the very least I was receiving consistent practice with her. But in Santander, I don’t live with a host mom. I’ve had to be more resourceful in finding that practice. Even more so, because Madrid is so large, many opportunities for socialization and exploration fell into my lap. Santander, while a city, is significantly smaller. I’ve had to locate such experiences myself, which has been beneficial for my growth even if slightly frustrating. 

In short, neither experience has been without its challenges. However, there is something that’s become clear within this last week: things take time. In Madrid, I finally felt like things were coming together towards the end of the semester. Now, in Santander, I feel as if things are falling into place at last. After returning from Christmas break, something about this second half of the program has felt different - better in a way. I couldn’t quite place my finger on it until this week, following multiple interactions. 

On Mondays and Wednesdays each week, my school hosts an additional hour of English classes. I’ve enthusiastically been attending them, in hopes to continue teaching English as well as learning more about the Spanish education system. The students also make me laugh, and to have an extra two hours of that each week is a no-brainer decision. There’s about an hour and a half between regular school hours and this additional course, which I spend at a local cafe. On Mondays, I go solo, and on Wednesdays, Ella joins me with our schedules lining up. On Monday, the barista who is always working, started a conversation with me. Never before had he asked about why I was in Spain, or if I enjoyed my time here. Of course, he wouldn’t hold a full conversation with a one-time or even two-time customer. But, I’d become a regular, and with that, I moved into the conversation zone. Things take time. 

My study set-up at the mentioned cafe

Once I was assigned to my school here, I instantly hoped it would be a good fit. I’m thankful to say that I adore my school and everyone I’ve met there. I admire my teachers and the difference they’re making. I love the students, and I think they like me back. The children I work with range from ages 3 - 12. So, I’m in a unique situation where I must find ways to teach them that are both engaging and efficient. I can only play hangman so many times…they LOVE it!! I sometimes feel that I don’t make my lessons as fun for them as I think they will be because I’m sure my idea of fun is outdated for them. But this week, I was reassured that my students enjoy having me. 

I usually go outside after school to say goodbye to students as they reunite with their parents. Three times this week alone, I overheard passing parents ask “es Eva?” to their children, followed by a very enthusiastic “si!” from each student. Such as small interaction, but it brought me so much joy. My students talk to their parents about me, and they’re excited when they do. That’s crazy! I felt so cool in those moments, and all my doubts disappeared. As if those moments weren’t enough for my confidence, a very enthusiastic four-year-old hugged me hello on Tuesday morning, and screamed, ‘Te amo Eva!” Meaning, “I love you.” At first, I thought it was odd that all these things occurred in the same week and never before. But now, I think it’s obvious to you and me. Things take time.

As I’ve already mentioned before, kickboxing has become a consistency in my life here. While I’ve been increasingly feeling more and more a part of the gym’s community, it wasn’t until this week that I realized how far I’ve grown within that space. My friend Brynn joined me for kickboxing this week. It was her first time at this gym that reminded me of my starting point. Now, Brynn was much more of a natural boxer than me, proving it with her top-three placement at the end of the workout. What reminded me of my first session was the trainer-provided walk-through about hand wrappings and where to place a punch. I remember the same trainer giving me that lesson. I was so nervous. I was completely unable to ask questions in Spanish both out of fear and not knowing what to say. I was even timid to punch as hard as I could, out of fear of looking silly. But now, I feel comfortable joking with the trainers and throwing myself fully into the workout. While that might seem small to others, it was a huge realization for me.

Made a top-three score at kickboxing!

Other moments of evidence that things take time include the baristas at the coffee shops I frequent recognizing me and knowing my go-to order. Or perhaps being able to hold a conversation in Spanish with the parents of the boys I tutor, utilizing vocabulary I didn’t even know I had. Or completing activities out of the grammar books I received last week and realizing that I do know more than I thought. Or even meeting more people in my program that I hadn’t connected with yet. 

It’s funny because I knew deep down that my life here was going to constantly evolve and wasn’t going to become what I envisioned immediately. But knowing something like that is always easier than actually living it. The reality of creating the life I want here blinded me from the fact that I need to be patient. I did all the right things by involving myself in kickboxing and tutoring and throwing myself into my school and those relationships. But I recognize that I became frustrated that those connections weren’t clicking as quickly as I wanted. That’s not how life works. But, I believe that’s why things feel different now. All my connections have become stronger and my doubts assuaged because they’ve had the time to do so. I was trying to force my place in this city rather than grow into it. 

Maybe coming back from break made me appreciate what I do have here rather than being cynical about what still needs to be achieved. If my time here was the same length as my experience in Madrid, it would have been left unfinished. I could have easily gone back home and felt satisfied that I tried, but disappointed I didn’t achieve it all. I’d probably chalk it all up to Santander just not being for me. It would have been very easy to do that. But it would have been a lie. My time in Madrid was beautiful and magical, and I will always hold it dear in my heart. But, it was more of a dream than anything. It was a snapshot of a life that wasn’t realistic. That doesn’t make it any less real or valuable, but in three months there wasn’t enough time to dive into the city and myself as I am doing here. Just as three months would not have been enough time to fully grasp everything in Santander. I’m not yet sure that nine months will be either. But, I do know that with more time, more possibilities follow. I simply need to have patience for those chances to appear.