The more you learn, the less you know

I’ve been sitting with my thoughts for the past few weeks, trying to figure out the best way to formulate what I want to say. I feel that this happens every time I start writing. But perhaps, it’s better to lay it all out, letting the regurgitation be what it is, rather than making my thoughts too polished. It’s undeniable that things happen rapidly here, and with them, a multitude of emotions and perspectives. If you’ve been following along with my posts, you already know this. It’s my constant experience here to juggle a wide range of thoughts at once. While tiring at times, it is beautiful. 

It’s a gift to be exposed to experiences that make one think so deeply; it’s a privilege that I get to question what I thought I knew. This time in my life has undoubtedly been filled with the most personal growth, in ways that I have noticed and in others that I have yet to recognize. As I’ve mentioned before, when I’m not working, my days are filled with reading, podcasts, cooking, friends, and attempts at learning Spanish. I’ve never had this much free time, ever. Such an opportunity has given me a chance to spend more time alone, getting to know myself and falling in love with who I am. It’s also provided space to admire the small things in life such as the simplistic beauty of waking up to light creeping through your window, or the way a friend’s laugh warms your heart completely. 

Me, Abby, and Olivia on a night out

I think that before this period of my life, I’ve always been focused on school or work or money (or basketball during my high school years), which are all important, but not the most important. Here, I’ve had a chance to simply be. I’ll admit that being okay with just existing can be difficult for me. It’s such an American mindset to always be moving, always be hustling. But in Spain, especially in the North, you have to be okay with slowing down. The culture here has forced me to relax, and you guessed it, enjoy the little things in life. 

My free time has been great, but so has my time working. When I am at school, I get to put my Spanish to the test, I get to learn more about the culture, and I often laugh at the hilarious things my students tell me. For example, one of my students in first-year primary (roughly 6/7 years old) asked me if I was seventy years old. Upon seeing my shocked face, he said quite seriously “ah you’re right, you’re probably eighty.” You can’t do anything but laugh…and maybe buy a new face cream.

Teaching English in a Spanish elementary school is not necessarily an experience I foresaw myself having. But I love it. My students range from ages 3-11, and each grade provides something new to enjoy. There are days that are harder, as any teacher knows, but the good ones are some of my favorite days of this entire experience. Seeing the progress that each of my students has made makes me feel a sense of pride for them. They are so unique and bright and funny. They blow me away, and I feel so honored to get to know them and to be a part of their education. Being their teacher has taught me a lot, but there’s one lesson that’s been the most powerful: keep asking questions. 

Many of my students are shocked to discover I know some Spanish. I usually have to utilize that ability when discipline is needed. Obviously, that’s never enjoyable, but I do have to hold in a grin every time they say “Eva habla español?” and then proceed to tell everyone who will listen that I speak Spanish. I don’t tell them that I’m not fluent, because then I’d lose all credibility, but rather, I keep my instructions short and to the point. A little mystery never hurt anyone. But once they know I can speak their native language, they begin attacking me as if in a game of twenty questions. How do you know Spanish? Are you actually from Spain? Does your family also know Spanish? Do you like Real Madrid or Barcelona? That last one is asked almost every day. 

Corrine, Brynn, and I eating DELICIOUS kebabs in Athens

 When this happens, it truly feels like a scene from a movie. But the questions that my students ask are not limited to those. They are always asking questions. They want to know how to say their favorite food in English. They want to know what America is like - do people really eat cheeseburgers all the time? They want to know what countries I’ve been to and which has been my favorite. They are so inquisitive! While those questions are ones they ask me specifically, they treat every class and teacher with the same mentality. It’s truly incredible the things that kids investigate. Why don’t adults do that more?

I mentioned that this time in my life has partly been spent questioning what I thought I knew. And a lot of that is because of my students. Their adamant curiosity, no matter the subject, has made me recognize the lack of that trait within my own life. I would consider myself a curious person, but I think most adults, including myself, tend to stop questioning things because they’ve accepted life for what it is. I don’t recognize this as a bad thing, but I guess I wouldn’t consider a great thing either. Life is full of new things to learn, but the moment we cease to ask questions, is the moment we stunt our growth. When we think we know everything, we are actually admitting that we know nothing. 

I’ve tried really hard to walk into every experience here with the mentality that I will learn something. And if I’m not learning something, then I didn’t ask enough questions. The most recent and significant example of this is my trip to Greece. I looked forward to this particular vacation for a long time, having bought my tickets in January, and wanting to visit the country since long before. And my overall experience did not disappoint what I was wanting. I went with two friends who I went on my first trip with, almost six months ago. We stopped in Italy on the way there and back, utilizing the cheapest flights we could find. But I was not complaining - we were fitting so much into this trip! Our first stop in Greece was Athens, a city filled with history, music, delicious food, and many vendors. The overall atmosphere felt upbeat and welcoming, and it easily became my favorite city of the entire trip. 

Driving around Santorini blasting Mama Mia!

Shortly after we returned, one of the friends I went with sent a video about Greece, titled: Traveling to Europe’s Most Stressed and Depressed Country. In the beginning, the video leaves you guessing on where they are traveling to - what European country could possibly be the most depressed? Greece was not on my mind. The video creators were in denial as well, especially after such a fantastic first day in Athens. However, once they escaped the touristy areas and tried to connect with locals, their perspectives changed. In all honesty, I never left the tourist spots of Athens, or really, of any city I have visited this past year. I usually only have so much time and I like to dedicate that to seeing the sights. While I don’t necessarily think this is a bad thing, it does create a barrier between my perception of that place and the reality.

The fact that Greece is statistically the most depressed and stressed european country is not a fact I could have told you from my personal experience there. I loved Greece, and I thought it was a positive experience all around. There were traditional city things we had to maneuver but nothing we haven’t had to do before, and we felt safe. The locals that I did meet were friendly and accommodating, and they seemed genuinely happy. But of course, I was in the popular areas and I was a tourist. An American tourist at that, which like it or not, adds its own sort of privilege. All this to say, is that even having gone to Greece, even having that experience first-hand and thinking I’m gaining new knowledge, I am actually still as clueless as I was before I left. Well, maybe clueless isn’t the best word. But I am definitely still uneducated in many ways. I received the tourist experience, which I enjoyed, but it also meant that I was only seeing the side of Greece that I wanted to view. I wasn’t seeing the reality, and I didn’t ask enough questions about it.

I think that traveling and connection are the absolute best ways to learn about something outside of oneself. But just doing them is not enough. You have to be intentional about it. My goal with all of my most recent trips has been to see the sights, eat the food, and have fun. So, I've been intentional about those things. But with others, not so much, and I’ll admit that. This is not to say that I don’t jump at the chance to connect with others, because I do. But rather, it’s to say that the intentions I’ve carried with me while traveling have provided a rose-tinted perspective of said places. For where I’m at in my life, I’m okay with that experience. I’m visiting many of these cities for the first time, and I very much want those touristy memories. But I do think there is a lot of benefit in getting out of those check-list locations, and exploring cities as locals know them. 

Hiking La Picota in Spain

No matter how I spend my trips, I always feel that I come back with a lot to unpack. I have a routine once I get home, in order to ground myself. I like to go for a walk near the water, the most grounding presence I have found in Santander, and eventually I stop for a coffee. With my drink in hand, I write for as long as I need. I write about how I’m feeling, how the trip went, what I saw, and how I’ll be influenced moving forward. It’s refreshing to get it all out. It gives me a space to ask those questions I am left with - about the world, about others, and about me. I know that with every trip, I am growing, but I also know that the more I grow, more questions arise. I just have to be willing to ask them. 

One of my favorite things to do here is to think about my attitude and outlook before I arrived in Santander. Or a month into it, or even two. That feels like a different person in a lot of ways. A friend showed me a picture of us from the beginning of our time here, and I thought, “wow, I look really little.” I thought my friends looked younger too. We all looked like babies. Realistically, I know we probably appear the same, but we’re different now in the sense that we are not those girls anymore. It’s only been seven months, but we’ve changed drastically. Not only have my connections with those friends grown, but I’ve seen them become more confident and assured; more curious and truer to themselves. It’s been really beautiful to experience, and it inspires me to do the same. I think that change can be attributed to being out of our comfort zone, being in situations that make us think and reevaluate. We’ve all recognized that we know less than we do more and have consequently become more at peace with the fact that there is always something to learn. There is still a long way for me, and for all of us, to go. But I think the first step is to recognize that reality.

Entering this last month and a half, I am preparing for busy trips that I know will both excite me and challenge me. I’m going to places I’ve dreamed about, and others that were unexpected, but that I am excited for all the same. As I make those journeys, I want to prioritize the lesson that’s consistently followed me: I know less than I do more. I want to see all the sights and eat all the food, but I also want to connect with others and connect with myself. This experience is a gift, as is every opportunity, and I want to move through each day being able to recognize that fact.